Updates on us

We’re much better.

We finally made it to Georgia.

We have our stuff here, but are still unpacking.

We are liking Georgia so far, but really haven’t gotten the chance to get out and do much yet.

All in all, so far so good.  The weather hasn’t been bad with the exception of just a few days.  We are just about a mile from the Florida border, so we have access to Florida beaches and such.  And I believe Disney World is just about 3’ish hours away, so that’s awesome.  I think it’s going to be a good 4 years.

Giveaway: Frontier 85

Simply being mommy at http://simplybeingmommy.com/ is giving away a Britax Frontier 85 in your choice of cover.  All you have to do is go over there and leave her a comment stating what cover you would like.  There are more ways to earn extra entries as well, so go on over and leave her some love.

Stupidity

I hate this.

I get the feeling that I won’t get to really talk to my husband for at least the next two weeks.  WTF is the deal?  He won’t talk.  At all.  I ask him what’s going on, “Nothing”.  I ask him what he did for the day, “Nothing”.  I ask him what’s wrong, “Nothing”.  And then he has the gall to ask me what I did today 4 times.  Like, hello, I’m not going to have a fucking different answer just because you asked again.  I did the same thing no matter how many times you ask it.

Then he freaking puts me on speaker phone, which by the way is horribly uncomfortable when he’s got his friend staying with him.  I’m sorry but I don’t want your buddy to sit there hearing our whole conversation.  And he’s fucking playing Warcraft the whole GD time I’m on the phone with him anyway, not paying attention to half of what I say, which come to think of it is probably why he had to ask 4 times what I did today.

Damn it this is really pissing me off.  Why can’t I just have a real discussion with him?  Why don’t I matter?  Why doesn’t he seem to get that our relationship is important too, and right now I don’t even feel like we have one anyway.  Frankly when you’re as far apart as we are, the talk is all you have, and when you don’t have that, what do you have?  Oh yeah, that’s right, Nothing.  I’m beginning to feel like he settled with me, that I was just “good enough”.  And I’ll tell you, that’s not a good way to feel about yourself.

Depression is setting in.

Happy Fucking Mother’s Day to me.

Fuckin’ Hell!

The hell?

So, generally speaking my husband and I have 1 day a week that we get to talk.  Him being in Japan and me being in California we are on very different time schedules.  By the time I get up in the morning he’s gone to bed, by the time he gets home from work in the evening I’ve gone to bed.  His Saturday is my Friday, so I’m usually busy.  My Sunday is his Monday so he’s usually at work.  Most of the time this leaves only my Saturday/his Sunday that we are able to talk.

So today, being my Saturday/his Sunday, I’m looking forward to his call when he gets up, and getting to talk to him for real.  So I wait around all afternoon for him to call.  3 passes, no call.  5 passes, no call.  7 passes, no call.  9 passes, still no call.  10pm my time, so 2pm his time, I call him.  He’s up, the first thing he says is he doesn’t want to talk long because he needs to go down to base, fuck #1.  Fine, whatever, I brush it off.  We talk about 10-20 mins about the goings on (softball game last night, dying my sisters hair purple today, etc.)  He gets on Warcraft while we are on the phone, fuck #2.  Yeah okay, brush it off again.  He starts ignoring me and talking to his buddy on the game, the buddy that he works with and see’s daily, the buddy that he can do this with any other day of the week, but apparently this is more important then me, fuck #3.  I hang up.

About an hour later I call back, he’s still on the game, they’re doing some sort of mission, fuck #4, but I ignore this.  I give the phone to his daughter, who promptly puts it on speaker, because she’s 5 and thinks that’s hilarious.  They chit chat for a while, she begs him to video chat, he won’t.  Then she’s trying to tell him something, he’s talking to his buddy again, she’s really trying to tell him this, keeps trying, he keeps talking to his buddy not paying any attention to her, fuck #5.  My phone dies.

Apparently he called my cell while I was hanging the house phone back up out in the living room.  Leaves me a message, something about us hanging up on him and punks.  I try to call him back to explain this.  No answer.  Call again, no answer.  Call a few more times, no answer.  Finally call one last time, he picks up and starts yelling at me that he had just gotten in the shower so he could go to base, fuck #6.

Why can’t he devote just a couple hours a day to just talking to us?  I mean, we usually would be in bed no later then 11 here, 3pm there.  Is it really too much to ask that he just not play video games with people he see’s everyday while talking to his wife and daughter who he only gets to talk to about once a week?  What did I do to deserve this?  What did she do to deserve this?  And most of all, why does it always end with me feeling like shit?  Like I’m not enough?  Like everyone else matters more then the two of us?

After a super shitty Thursday, not exactly great Friday, and a time when I’d spent the better part of three days in the house with his sick puking child, this was so not what I needed.  What I needed what for my husband to be loving and supportive.  I needed him to listen to me, talk to me, and tell me how much he loved me.  I guess sometimes not only do we not get what we want, but we also don’t get what we need.

*sob*

*vent over*

Tonight

5 years ago I was getting my epidural, getting ready to meet my baby girl, and praying that I wouldn’t have to have a c-section.  5 years.  That’s half a decade.  5 years ago, in about 8 hours I was holding a tiny pink very very bald baby girl while doctors worked to stop my bleeding.  All 6lbs 14ozs and 19in of her was screaming at me and I was thinking “what did I get myself into”.

Now, she’s a big girl who thinks she can do anything everyone else does.  She  scares me at gymnastics trying to do back handsprings and front tucks because she wants to do what the big girls do.  She makes me laugh at home when she tries to dance like Auntie Lyssa.  She lights up my world and that of many around her.  There is nothing I wouldn’t do for her…and she knows it.

Children are work.  Not a day goes by that she doesn’t do something that tries my patience.  But it’s so worth it to get those hugs, the cuddles, or the little goofy kisses.  She’s a big fan of Fancy Nancy now, but literally loves everything from baby dolls to cars to ponies to Lego’s.   She has a mess of wispy blonde curls and green eyes like her daddy.  She loves Barbie movies and anything Hello Kitty.  She insists she needs a puppy and a sister, but not a brother.

I’m anxious to see what the next 5 years will bring up.  But not so anxious that I want to rush these moments.  Drink them in, they go by too fast.

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